Tears on my Pillow, Pain in my Heart (Caused by You)



By JTrevizo



Rating – PG


Spoilers: Arrow through Season 3 episode 1


Disclaimer: Arrow belongs to DC, CW, Bonanza Productions Inc. in association with Berlanti Productions and Warner Bros. Television.


Relationships: Oliver/Felicity


Summary: The aftermath of the hospital scene in 3x1. Angsty one shot from Felicity's POV.



          He wouldn't even give them a chance. That was the part that hurt the most.

          As Felicity closed the door to her condo, all she could think about was that kiss. That powerful, promising kiss that had lead to words she'd wanted to hear said in very different circumstances.

          "Don't ask me to say that I don't love you."

          He was saying he loved her, but not enough to be with her; to try to even see if they could be something more than they were right now.

          Kicking her heels off at the door and dropping her purse, she made her way through the living room to get to the bathroom. She clicked on the light, seeing a face she hadn't expected.

          When he told her he loved her last time, she wasn't sure that he really meant it. In all the time they'd spent together, his lying to her had always led to her calling him on his bullshit. But with everything else going on that night, her head injury and the highly emotional situation, she hadn't been sure that he'd been lying to her. And when he never confirmed it to her on Lian Yu, she was left to ponder if it had been real.

          So this time when he'd as much admitted that he meant it then and meant it now, she would have thought she'd look happy and giddy and ready to say it back to him…

          Instead she looked lost and disappointed.

          Carefully she removed her glasses and then scrubbed her face of her makeup. The warm soapy water also wiped away any traces still left of the taste of his lips on hers. When she was done, when she put her glasses back on once more, all she could see in the mirror was someone who thought maybe she could have it all, and then lost it.

          But he hadn't been the one to end it. Not really. He'd tried to leave it open; that maybe they'd have a chance, one day. It had been her that had forced him give her a solid answer - to tell her that they couldn't ever be. And when he wouldn't she had pulled away. Had made the final decision that he didn't seem capable of.

          She had found the strength to slide his rough but gentle hands from her face and tell him that it was over. She didn't know where it had come from.

          Then she'd turned and left, knowing that the unknown strength won't stay with her forever.

          Flipping off the light, she headed to her bedroom, not bothering with the light switch there and simply unzipping her dress and letting it fall to the floor. She headed to the dresser, taking out her earrings and setting them on top before opening the top drawer and pulling out her pajamas, slipping on the soft, comforting clothes before moving to crawl under the covers. Her hand eased her glasses back off and dropped them onto the nightstand even as she turned her head into the sheets below her.

          It was only once her head hit the pillow, her eyes closing, that she let the first tears fall.