A Haven fanfic
By Jeannine Trevizo
Chapter 4 – A Single Kiss
“You…” Audrey stammered out, the word just trailing off as she started to get the full import of what Nathan was saying.
There was a long pause as Nathan watched her, his mind trying to assess her reaction even as his heart and gut told him that he was doing the right thing in telling her that he’d wanted that kiss to have been with her.
Damn the consequences he thought suddenly, he wanted to tell her the truth… all of it.
“I wanted to before I could feel you. It got worse once I knew... that if I kissed you that I could feel it…” he finally said, the honesty in his voice obvious.
“I used that moment to see what it was like because I didn’t think I’d ever have the chance to kiss the real you…”
Audrey stared at him. He’d thought she was dead when he’d kissed it… saw it as a memory; a single chance to imagine what it would have been like. And as her mind swirled that thought through her brain her heart decided to jump into the discussion without her brain’s input.
She needed to know if his desire to kiss her, have that one memory was a one time thing – a ‘what could have been’ or if he still really wanted that… wanted to kiss her. And she didn’t know if she had the courage to just ask him to do it, especially if that moment had passed.
But perhaps there was a way to see if he still felt like that… to see if he really did want… her.
“How did you kiss her?” she asked softly, her voice almost tentative.
Nathan stood there, his hand still holding her upper arm in his grasp as she questioned how he’d kissed the chameleon. It certainly wasn’t what he’d expected. In fact he’d been pretty much surprised at every single reaction she’d had to his revelations all night. Now she wanted to know about how he’d kissed that thing?
“I don’t understand…”
“What kind of kiss was it?” she pushed, moving a step closer to him and closing the distance between them, “A friendly peck on the lips? A quick brush of the lips? What kind of kiss was it that you wanted to give me that you gave her?”
“I…” Nathan started, trailing off as her words made him recall the way he’d kissed her… it; how he’d wished in his heart that he’d been able to feel the skin and lips under his hands and mouth… that it had really been Audrey.
He looked at her, his eyes swirling with emotion as the memory of that moment, of his true desire that he’d been trying to fabricate filled him again. He’d wanted something so different than what he’d experienced… and now…
“Come on Nathan… you have to know,” she said shakily and then with a deep breath she jumped off the proverbial cliff. “If you can’t tell me, then show me.”
Nathan took in a sudden harsh breath. If words could have caused a stroke he knew he’d be dead on the floor. She was asking…
And then his control was gone and suddenly he wasn’t thinking he was just acting; both his hands flew to cup her cheeks as he surged forward and kissed her, full on the lips, hard and demanding and feeling like every hot, soft, pliant thing he could remember and a hundred times better than that.
And underneath all the overload of sensation he was having at the feel of her lips against his he suddenly, shockingly realized that she was kissing him back with just as much fervor.
Startled Nathan broke the kiss but left his hands on her face, staring at her wide eyed with a thousand questions showing there.
“You…” he began stunned before trailing off as he watched her face, her mouth still open slightly, lips wet and her eyes wide, the pupils huge in the sea blue he was so familiar with.
Audrey just stared at him, still lost in the way he’d kissed her. She’d wondered what it would feel like; to kiss him, have him kiss her… since, well just before Jess had walked into his life. But he hadn’t seemed to see her as anything than a partner and friend, so when Jess had thrown herself at him and with the way Nathan had been so… flustered by her, Audrey had just… pushed him at her.
She’d never in her wildest dreams thought that he might have actually felt something for her… but after that kiss, she knew she’d been wrong about that. The problem now was she didn’t know what to do now that they’d very obviously demonstrated that they both were thinking of the other as something more than just a friend.
They stood and stared at one another in silence, long minutes ticking by as they both fought to find some equilibrium. Neither of them was breathing quite normally and both of them were drowning in the reality of their kiss.
“You just kissed me back,” Nathan finally said in wonder as she continued to just stand there and stare at him.
“Yes,” she said simply, more complex words escaping her as she stared at the man still holding her face in his hands.
The look he gave her told her what he wanted more than his words did. That was the way they usually worked; silences and looks and movements spoke volumes, even though they’d been partners, friends for what seemed half a year…
And now he was asking her to tell him what she meant, what she wanted without saying anything beyond her name.
“Yes, I kissed you back.”
“Wanted you to kiss me… yeah… I did…” she breathed lowly, her eyes drifting away at the end.
Nathan stood there still mentally trying to comprehend her words. His hands had barely moved, although one had slid to press against the soft column of her throat where he felt the rapid beating of her pulse under his palm. He wondered if his could be heard in the silence of the vault thundering in his chest.
Audrey had wanted him to kiss her. Had eagerly kissed him back when he’d finally broken down and shown her how he’d kissed her doppelganger weeks earlier. But her response wasn’t anything like the startled outrage that he’d experienced before. Instead he was wondering exactly what Audrey wanted…
“What does this mean…” he finally asked her when she didn’t say anything more.
“Do you really need me to spell it out for you?” she asked with a sudden yet tentative smile.
“I think it might be required.”
Audrey sighed a little and gave him a look that seemed… lost. He felt her begin to pull back and his fingers moved to her shoulders, grasping them to try and keep her in place even as she stretched the space between them. As she tried to pull out of his grasp he felt a spike of fear in his chest that if he let her go that she might not voice whatever it was within her that had prompted her to kiss him back.
She stopped at his voice, her eyes closing as the weight of everything seemed to fall on her. She couldn’t explain how much she’d wanted him to kiss her; how it made her feel. But she was so scared that when the vault door finally opened and they went back outside that somehow the spell would be broken and this… thing between them would crumble.
And she so badly wanted to find a way to do this… to be with him… to… love him like she wanted to, like he deserved. But she was scared.
“I don’t know how to do this Nathan,” she said with a broken voice.
“Say the words… be… this…” she indicated, her hand waving between them.
“What? Partners, friends?”
She looked at him with a glare, knowing that he knew very well what she meant. Still he stood silent, his fingers holding her in place. He needed to understand what she was thinking, what was holding her back when it had been obvious when she’d kissed him that she wasn’t holding back where that kiss had been concerned.
“Significant others… lovers… in love,” she forced out with a tremulous breath.
Nathan watched her struggle. He wanted this and he could tell that she did as well, that she wanted him by her words and actions, but every single experience in her life where she’d felt abandoned and unloved made her afraid.
But the thing he needed her to focus on, that he needed to hold on to was the fact that she did want this… just as much as he did.
“So… this isn’t just me,” he said softly, his hands now sliding back up to her face as he moved into her space, backing them into the wall of deposit boxes. “You want this too…”
She swallowed hard and then nodded, unable to get the words out even as her hands unconsciously moved to press against his chest. She did, desperately want this, want him. She just didn’t know how they could do this…
Then Nathan was pressing forward, his hands pulling her face to his once more and kissing her; except this kiss was slow, soft, and reverent. And for as much as she’d felt passion before, Audrey felt cherished and… loved with his kiss.
Pulling away from Audrey’s lips was ten times as hard as it had been before. The last time they’d kissed it had been about passion and longing; this time he’d done everything he could to put into the kiss all the love and devotion he felt for her, hoping that where words had failed them actions could maybe pave the way.
And Audrey had gotten the message. This wasn’t going to be a one time thing… a fling or something to just fill their time and their nights. They both wanted this… and that meant everything that being in love meant: making it work day by day and turning their friendship and partnership into a… relationship.
Which if she was honest, she’d never felt comfortable enough with any man to have ever had one. But if there was any man on the planet that she could trust enough to be with like that, it would have to be the man before her, who was now holding her hands in his and looking as if his world depended on her next words.
“I’ve never been good at relationships… “
He nodded slowly in acknowledgement. No surprise there, he thought. Of course it wasn’t like he’d been in a lot himself.
“And I can’t tell you how easy this will be but… I do want this; want to be with you… I just…”
His hands moved back to her face, cradling it in his palms as he let himself just feel; inside and out.
“I understand… I do, but… can we try?” he asked her simply and quietly, his heart there on his sleeve with his words.
Audrey took a deep, shuttering breath before she nodded. She knew that she’d already taken so many chances with Nathan that one more, no matter how huge of a step it was,
“So what now?” she asked as she looked at him, her eyes a startling blue that made his heart beat faster.
“We’ll, until we get outta here… maybe we can explore this some more? I for one have been touch deprived for a while, remember?” he suggested as he gave her his little half smile turned smirk as he swiped his thumb along her lower lip
Audrey’s breath caught a little before she had to fight a laugh at his comment and then she gave him a silly grin before she put her hands around his head to pull him down to her in a kiss that merged the two before it. Heat and tenderness in one, and Nathan fell into it happily.
Hey there, glad to see you’re still here. Sorry for the short chapter but again, it seemed a perfect stop point and there was lots here again. As always thanks for reading and please leave a review if you liked or even didn’t like something. I’m always trying to ‘get it right’ and the readers can always tell if it rings true. I think there will be at least 1 more chapter, so hopefully that will be out soon. Thanks again, Ms. J.