Until the End of Time

By Jeannine Ackerson

 

 

2/19/97

 

Rating: G.

Disclaimer: Mulder and Scully belong to Chris Carter, not to me. The song used in this story is "Until the End of Time" by Foreigner. No copyright infringements are intended.

Relationship: Mulder/Scully Romance. If you're still not convinced they belong together, even after seeing "Pusher", then skip this.

Summary: Cleaning his apartment, Mulder kicks up some dust: both in his place and in his heart.

Hi All! It's my "U" story. (We're getting close to the end here everyone.) OK, I'm warning all of you non-music/lyric people out there that this constitutes a song story. I'm sorry, and you may flog me if you like, and if you can find me. <g> Anyway, I hope the story itself makes up for it.

It wasn't his idea of a fun Saturday, but it had to be done.

The truth was it scared the hell out of him. There was no telling if he'd get out of it alive, or what he might find in the process. Yet he'd chosen to do this, so he had to follow through. He had to find out.

So Special Agent Fox Mulder sat down in front of the huge cardboard boxes on the floor of his apartment and began to sort through them, pulling things out to save or to throw away. Spring cleaning had officially arrived.

He found his high school yearbook, some old texts from Oxford and his diploma in the first one. With a sigh he shoved the box aside and pulled over the next one. Inside were papers, pictures and assorted knick knacks he'd picked up here and there. At the bottom he could feel a bunch of plastic cases. As he pulled up a handful, he realized what they were.

They were a stack of old cassettes, mostly eighties pop songs and the like. He'd forgotten about them, and had tossed them into a box, this box, when he'd bought the CD player. They'd been piled over his last cleaning spree, lost and forgotten. With a whimsical look, he decided before he just trashed them to give them a listen and see if there was anything salvageable. If nothing else he might be able to get a few bucks for them at a used music store.

The first one into the tape player was a Foreigner single. Pushing the play button, he returned his attention to the box and continued to dig through the papers and stuff within its depths. He ended up crumpling up and tossing ones with no more importance to him in the trash can by the fish tank.

"When I was young and the world belonged to me

I thought that love meant pain and jealousy

It was a cross on my shoulder

Oh Lord, now I feel so much older

Time had a way of making me see

My lonely life has taken its toll on me

Now I feel the emptiness

And I don't want to live like this . . ."

As the words of the song hit him, he stopped, the handful of tapes in his hand falling back into the box. Good god, he thought, it's me. It sounds like me. The heartache of Phoebe, and how she'd played with him had soured him on love. He'd turned to celluloid lovers that he could turn off with his remote control. It was safer. But time had weighed heavily on him.

He felt so much older than his 35 years. And yes, he was empty - emotionally, spiritually and physically. But he'd chosen to live like this; alone, searching for an elusive truth and his sister, letting no one close . . .

"Now I've heard stories I've heard songs

Telling me believe my heart, don't wait too long

But words that don't ring true

Until there was you . . ."

At that his mind flashed involuntarily to the one person who had made such a difference in his life. The one person he'd let into his life. His *soul*.

Dana Scully.

He had to admit that he hadn't believed. He'd figured he would never know someone who made his life complete, but then she'd come along and well . . .

"Never will I lose this heart's desire

Ever will I feed our love's fire

Only when I know that you'll be mine

Until the end of time . . ."

There had been days when he thought he'd never love anyone that long. Love anyone like that. But he'd learned the error of his ways. Because he'd found the person he was meant to be with. Except he hadn't said a thing to her.

He'd gotten comfortable with and had done his damnedest to keep the status quo. His fear of loosing her was more potent than his desire for her. Or at least it had been until recently. Nowadays it was hard to keep his thoughts off of her body when they stood close. To keep his hands professional. Keep his mouth from saying those words . . .

"How do I trust what I'm beginning to feel

And how deep my soul, how much can I reveal

I'm lost in love's mystery

Caught between time and eternity

Now there's a door that opens wide

Slowly I will find my way and reach inside

But I couldn't make it through

Until there was you . . ."

There had been something about Dana Katherine Scully, M.D. and Special Agent. He'd known it the first moment they'd met. And over time the feelings had only gotten deeper, richer. If there was anyone in the world that could help him love again, make him feel safe, he knew it was her. But he still didn't know if she . . .

"Never will I lose this heart's desire

Ever will I feed our love's fire

Only when I know that you'll be mine

And only when I see the light of love shine

Until the end of time . . ."

He wanted to tell her. Hoped that she felt the same. He wanted to get lost in her blue eyes. He could only imagine what 'really' being in love with Dana Scully could be like. But would it be worth the danger and trouble it would cause? Would it be worth baring his soul and making himself vulnerable to her? Would telling her how he felt be worth the risk of possibly losing his best friend. . . ?

"Never will I lose this heart's desire

Ever will I feed our love's fire

And when I see the light of love shine in your eyes

When they meet mine

Only then I'll know that it's you and I

Until the end of time . . ."

He loved her. Somewhere in his soul he knew that it was forever. Until the end of time. And now that he'd acknowledged it, he couldn't wait any longer. He couldn't stand the wondering and wishing anymore. He was going to tell her *somehow* he thought with determination when the song finished.

Then he realized just how to explain it to her.

With a swift jab he hit the button to rewind the tape and then pulled it from the player. Shoving it back into the case, he got up and threw on his jacket, cassette and keys in hand. There was no turning back, he told himself. And he really didn't want to.

It wasn't long until he found himself in front of Scully's door. Knocking a couple of times, he finally heard her coming to the door, and was greeted with her inquisitive look, and arched eyebrow. Dressed in her weekend garb, she was as beautiful as he'd ever seen her.

"Scully, I have a favor to ask of you," he informed her, looking a bit nervous, his eyes darting about but not resting on her for more than a second.

"What is it Mulder?" she said, sensing his uneasiness and beginning to feel that way herself. When he was this cryptic, she usually ended up hunting him down or saving his life from men in black.

"I need you to listen to something, and then get back to me, ok?"

When she nodded, he pressed the cassette into her hand. She looked down expecting a brown wrapped tape of some questionable origins and found instead a brightly colored album cover of a rock group staring up at her. More confused than ever, she looked up at him in surprise.

"Call me on the cel phone. I'm going to be around. Ok?" he said quickly.

Sure . . . " she stammered and then watched him turn and hurriedly take off. She looked down at the tape clutched tightly in her hands and wondered what this was all about. She looked back at his retreating form and for the millionth time since she'd met him she questioned the sanity of her partner.

Walking back inside, she approached the stereo, popping the cassette player door. Pulling the tape loose, she plopped it in the deck and shoved it home. Hitting the play button she went in to the kitchen to pick up her coffee cup and come back and listen to whatever Mulder wanted her to hear.

Tucking her feet under her, she sat down on the couch as the song began. She sat and listened impassively, determined not to get wrapped up in the song, to keep her ears and mind open for the meaning to all this. But each line further in made it harder and harder to be objective.

After it finished she sat there in shock. Was that how he felt? Was that why he'd asked her to listen to it, and then give call him? To give him an answer to his musical question?

Scully sat there glancing at the stereo and then at the tape case, and back again. Usually she was in control, knowing her own mind and heart in everything. But this . . . this was the biggest curve she had ever been thrown. And she didn't know how to respond, let alone deal with it.

Mulder . . . in love with me, she tried understanding again. It just didn't compute. What with at the flirting with and pursuing of other women, often right in front of her, his loving *her* just didn't make sense. But then, in a strange way it did, she realized. Leave it to Mulder to fall in love with someone but never show it or tell them. To want someone that he knew he shouldn't want.

So what did that say about her?

If anything she was as guilty of being as stupid as he was. Because she'd been in love with him all along and hadn't said anything either.

Suddenly she knew she had to see him, to give him his answer. But she wanted to go to him, be on his terms, not bring him back to her apartment and tell him on hers. After his courage to take the first step, it was only fair that she go to him. To take the rest of those steps towards him.

She knew he probably wouldn't be home. And if he wasn't home, there were a few places she could count on him being in. He wouldn't be to hard to find. She'd had plenty of practice.

With a little searching Scully found him on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial, surrounded on all sides by tourists climbing up and down the steps. Carefully she made her way up to his side and sat down next to him. He glanced over at her a little worriedly, his puppy dog look lurking just beneath the surface, ready to come up at his beck and call. Ready to fall back into loneliness and pain at her word.

"Nice song," she commented conversationally, trying to ease into the subject.

"Thanks," he replied warily.

"So, did you see last night's Knicks game?"

"Yeah. they won. Who'd have thought?"

She didn't reply. And Mulder's unease turned to fear. He risked taking a look at her face and was unsure of what he saw there. So he asked the million dollar question. The one his future an his heart hung on.

"Well?"

"Yes Mulder," she said, the words a near whisper.

"Yes? What?" he questioned, confused and not understanding her answer.

Then she looked into his eyes, putting her heart on display for him there. As he gazed into them, he saw it, the love shining there and his lips turned up into a grin. And she grinned as well. Reaching over, she took his hand in hers and held it tightly.

"You and I, until the end of time," she swore.

And as his heart filled to overflowing, he knew she meant it.

-End-

Well, hope you enjoyed, and as always, if you did and would like to let me know, don't hesitate to mail me. My mailbox (and I) love mail. J.

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