That's What I Get

By Jeannine Ackerson

 

Jan 23, 1997

 

Rating: R for sexual situations.

Disclaimer: The X-Files as well as the characters portrayed therein are property of C. Carter, FOX & 1013. Also, "That's What I Get For Lovin' You" by Diamond Rio isn't mine either.

Relationship: Mulder/Scully romance. As always, if you don't like this kind of stuff, don't read it. I'm not responsible if you do. You've been warned. <g>

Summary: Mulder reflects on their new relationship, remembering the past and thinking of the future.

Hi All! This is my "T" story: I seem to keep finding songs that just scream *M&S Romance* and I feel duty bound to pass them along to you all. I though it appropriate to write this one from Mulder's point of view, considering how this song really sounds like something he'd think. Now to the story. . .

 

I have never felt this way in my life. The feeling of completion is beyond anything I've ever experienced before. It's almost like I've found a part of myself that I never knew was missing. That now, after all this time I'm *whole*.

The fact that my other half has been right by my side for the last three years makes it even more stunning. You'd think for a smart man I would have figured it out long ago.

But the truth is that I only just realized it a few days ago. We were on a case, so there wasn't any time to luxuriate in these feelings until now. True, we did declare our feelings for one another there. We did succumb to the passion we'd felt for each other that night. Nothing is different now than it was a few days ago. . .

Except that tonight I'm laying here in *her* bed with her in *my* arms. It just makes this all the more special to me. More *real*.

On that first night, she'd wandered through the connecting door and come over to where I was sitting in a chair in my motel room. She could see how bothered I was. It wouldn't have been obvious to anyone but her though. The cases with the kids always hit me hard. She knows that. Just like I know the abduction cases bother her.

Anyway, she walked up behind me and ran her hand through my messy hair. It was so unlike her. No, that's not true. It was just like her nowadays.

See, things have been changing a lot lately. The wall that I'd put up around my emotions that first day she'd walked in my door and showed me that beautiful smile had been crumbling. As of late, there were a lot of times that I was turning to her for comfort, even though I knew it was a bad idea. I knew there were only so many times I could come to her for solace without acknowledging the feelings I had for her. Feelings which weren't very partnerly. But I couldn't help myself. I needed that touch or kind word or whatever she would give me more than I needed to keep up the pretense of only being her friend.

It was that night I found I'd used up all of my excuses.

Then of course, her walls seemed to be a lot lower nowadays as well. I remember with the clarity only a photographic memory can provide the details of the last time she'd let *all* her defenses down and let me comfort her. Pfaster . . . and I can remember every smell, every touch, every sound of that few minutes of pure heaven. But then recently she's been giving me more of what I needed from her. If pressed, I would have said she wasn't closing off her emotions with regards to me anymore.

That night she dropped all her barriers and let me in. Just like I did with her.

Her hand had raked through my hair a couple of times, then the comforting touch of her fingers changed. Their last pass sent chills through me, and I knew that I'd just slipped over that invisible line we'd drawn between us. I think she knew it. And somehow I knew she had stepped over it as well.

My hand had shot up and caught hers. I think I'd surprised her. In truth, the person in that room who was most shocked by my actions was me. I pulled her to stand in front of me, and instead she knelt on the carpet, looking up at me as she let our hands rest on my knee.

I still can taste the fear that filled my mouth as I gazed down at her. I was scared. Scared of myself and how I was feeling. Scared of the way she was looking at me. She was smiling a sad little smile. One that I associated with her fears and concerns for me and my mental health. Thinking back on the last three years, I'm surprised she hadn't worn it more often.

I caught her eyes, and the look there melted any doubts I had left. I couldn't back away from her gaze. I was pinned as surely as if she'd tacked me to a butterfly board. Yet I didn't want my freedom. Not when the imprisonment she seemed to be offering me was so appealing. So tempting.

Then she'd said my name in that honeyed voice of hers. But it wasn't just her saying my name. It was a million things all wrapped up in that. Vows and pledges, questions and answers, offers and guarantees. Everything I have ever wanted or could ask for was in that one word.

I reached down and pulled her into my lap. I think the fact that she came willingly and without a hint of protest increased my confidence. But when she took my face in her small, tender hands, and leaned towards me, I knew it didn't matter. I wasn't going to have to make that first move.

Because Dana Scully was going to show me how she felt. She was going to show me how much she cared for me. How much she *loved* me.

Thinking back, as kisses go, it wasn't much. Just a slight press of her lips to mine. But the havoc that her touch brought to me and my equilibrium was more than substantial enough to say that the earth had moved.

And it continues to move, even to this minute, days later as I lie here in her bed, our limbs sprawled together and our hearts entwined.

I remember that I hesitated only for a heartbeat before I kissed her back. Except it wasn't like the polite, friendly kiss she'd given me. It was passionate and searing. It was the compilation of every emotion I had and continue to have for this woman that I love more than life.

And she kissed me back with a desire that mirrored my own. That surpassed my wildest dreams. Our hands began to roam, mine finding her bare back, and hers the skin at the collar of my shirt. I wanted to watch her hands as I felt her tug carefully at the tie at my throat, but my eyes were still caught by hers. The cool air hit my heated skin of my chest as she popped each button free in succession, until I could feel her hands at my waist.

Yanking her shirt up and off of her wasn't a conscious act. I'd just known I had to have her bare to me, body *and* soul. The sight of her sitting there on my lap, her skin glowing and her breasts barely cloaked by the teal satin of her bra was enough to put me in overdrive. I could feel myself tighten beneath her. And I knew she could feel it too.

With that perfect timing that is Dana Scully's alone, she got up and reached her hands out to me. In invitation. In want. In need. *And* in love. The fact that she wanted me, wanted us to be together was more of a turn on than I'd ever known.

It took just a moment before she had my hands in hers and she had pulled me up. With careful precision, she walked me back to my bed and sat down on it, still holding my hands. Instead of pushing her back to the mattress, or sitting beside her, I knelt at her feet as she'd done earlier. At an equal level again, it was easy to read her expression, her eyes. The emotions within them were as visible as if they were written there in bold, bright letters. Releasing my hands, she slipped off the bed, and slowly took off her remaining clothes.

Somehow I got mine off as well while watching her discard hers. By the time I had tossed my boxers to the floor, she was waiting for me, kneeling at the center of the bed. With those electric eyes gazing at me, the seductive smile playing on her lips and the hands and arms pleading for me to come to them, there was nothing else that I could do.

I walked straight into them.

When I finally did join her on the bed, there was no more holding back. The passion and desire we both felt was finally being unleashed. As was the compassion and tenderness. Our lovemaking was *all* that, but there was too much at stake for us to languish in each other's arms that night. The risk of discovery was too great in that motel room, in a strange place. At least in D.C. we would know what to watch for.

So afterwards, our bond rejuvenated and the demons scattered she had left, retreating to her own room. But it was with the unspoken promise that we would be together again soon, after we came back to Washington. And that we would have it all then.

And now, tonight, days later it was everything it was supposed to be. And the knowledge that it will be like this from now on only makes it more wondrous.

Settling farther back in the pillows of her bed, I turn and look at her laying in my arms. Reaching over I pull the sheets over her bare back. With a smile I let my eyes slide shut, relaxing and just enjoying the feel of her body against mine. And it's only then that I can hear it. In the other room Scully's stereo is playing. In our passion and haste to get in here, we forgot to turn it off. I'm sure I heard bits and pieces of music earlier, but I was a little too preoccupied to notice. I can't suppress a wicked grin at that thought. But now it is much more clear and I can hear the words of the singer.

As I listen I have to stifle a chuckle. How the hell did this guy get into my head, because what he's singing is my life as it is now, sure as I'm lying here with her. I stay quiet and keep listening, hearing my thoughts sung by this man's tenor voice.

"I start every day with a smile on my face

And the feel of a kiss on my lips

When the world plays too rough

I can find a healin' touch

Life's never been better than this

That's what I get for lovin' you

Heaven's right here in my hands

A dream that is real and a heart that beats true

That's what I get for lovin' you

There was a time, I walked outside the lines

I only thought of myself

Then you sat me down, turned my head around

Now I put you before everything else

That's what I get for lovin' you

Heaven's right here in my hands

A dream that is real and a heart that beats true

That's what I get for lovin' you

Love is a feeling I never knew much about

Forever's a word I never said until now

That's what I get for lovin' you

Heaven's right here in my hands

A dream that is real and a heart that beats true

That's what I get for lovin' you"

The song died away, and I opened my eyes again so I could gaze at the reason for my happiness. The woman that I loved. Forever.

I had never expected Scully to love me. I might believe in extreme possibilities and paranormal behavior, but her loving me was something I would never have had any faith in. So I guess it was luck and fate and her total stupidity that made her fall in love with me. Cause as brilliant a woman as she is, she could have done so much better than me. So I can't help but think she was a little insane to take the chance on me.

But all I know is that I have to thank her and whomever is up there that brought the two of us together. I know for a fact that if she wasn't here, I wouldn't be either.

That's not a question, it's a given. I know that I'd be dead by now, or at least insane and out of the Bureau if she hadn't walked into my division, my office and my life all those years ago.

She saved me.

Now I'm just starting to pay her back.

And if I'm really lucky, she'll let me keep paying her back for a very long time. Maybe forever. Because there's one thing I know for certain. I never want to be without her.

Suddenly I feel her stir in my grasp, and her hair drifts across my bare shoulder. I feel the answering tingle throughout my body and can't help but smile. Just that. The simple brush of her hair produces such a reaction out of me. I couldn't live without her now if I wanted to.

Now she's moving against me, and her head turns upwards. Then the sight I've been longing for since she began to wake greets me. Her eyes open and I gaze into the two pools of blue that she calls her eyes. And as usual, I'm drowning in them in a heartbeat.

Then I get the second most breathtaking sight . . . she smiles. Not the polite smile she has most of the time. No, this one is like the one I received in Alaska when I woke up from the retro virus. The kind that would outshine the crown jewels of England, the sun and even one of my louder ties with ease.

Those perfect lips smile up at me, and then they part. Just slightly. Enough to let me know that there's something on her mind that will be passing forth from their softness in a moment.

"I love you Mulder."

I know that she's said it through her actions and her gaze a million times before, but it's the first time she's actually said it aloud. And it rocks me to my core. My eyes close again, and I pull her tightly into my arms. I want to tell her how much I love her, need her but I can't. I'd have to re-learn how to speak to be able to do that. And right now, that simple skill is denied me.

So I hold her. Tight. And I hope that she can feel how much I love her until I'm back in control again. Or at least as in control as I can be loving Dana Scully the way I do.

I'd give it *all* up in a second for this feeling. *Everything*. Just to have her in my arms like this. My job, the X-Files, Samantha, the Truth, *all* of it. Because I'm holding an angel in my arms. One that keeps me sane and makes me better than I ever believed I could be. I pull back from her and smile, hoping that she can see everything I feel in that grin. I don't know how we're going to make it all work out, but I'll fight to the death to keep this sense of contentment and happiness. It's all due to this woman. My partner. My love.

It's what I get for loving her.

And I wouldn't want it any other way.

-End-

Hi there! Well, were down to the wire . . . only four letters to go! J.

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