The Dion Files
By Jeannine Ackerson
Nov. 25, 1996
Rating: R for swear words and sexual subject matter.
Disclaimer: The X-Files and the characters portrayed therein are property of C. Carter, Fox Broadcasting, 1013 Prod., etc. Celine Dion's song, "Seduces Me" is also used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.
Relationship: Mulder/Scully romance + a little angst. Anti-relationshippers warning is hearby in effect. You've been warned, so don't come crying to me if you read it.
Summary: When Mulder thinks that they made a mistake, Scully tries to convince him otherwise.
Hi all! Alright, this is another part to the Dion Files. I always thought of this as a "pre-relationship" song, but when I started, it decided it wanted to be a post-"bedroom" story. Hope you all enjoy, and if so, please let me know. Now, to the story . .
They hadn't had a chance to sit down and discuss things. Discuss it. And that was bothering her. Worrying her to be more precise.
Ever since it had happened, he'd been putting distance between them. Not the same type as before. No, that had always been there by their mutual decision not to cross any lines. But now, the air between them was heavy, and she hadn't had a chance to try and make it otherwise. Because he simply hadn't given her the opportunity to do so.
To be blunt about it, he was avoiding her. He'd taken sick leave from the office as soon as they had gotten back. For the last four days he'd been totally out of contact with her. Totally unreachable. From what she could figure, he'd left town in an attempt to hide out. To hide from her. From *them*.
She knew why. He just couldn't believe. For the first time, she was the believer and he, Fox Mulder, Mr. "I Want To Believe" was the skeptic. Not knowing how to deal with what had happened, he'd simply retreated, and shut her out.
That had hurt the worst. She was sure that if they could just talk about it, make some sense out of what had happened, she could live with it. Even if she had to give up her dreams of being with him, living with and loving him, she would do it. Just as long as he was still her partner. But he wasn't acting like he was. And that was what scared her.
Because of all the things that Dana Katherine Scully could have hoped for, the night of passion that she'd experienced with the man she loved, trusted more than anything; her partner Fox Mulder was the one thing she never thought she could have. Yet, it had happened. And she wanted it to happen again. She wanted to be in his arms, in his bed, in his heart. For as long as they lived.
Musing, she let her mind wander to how it had happened. Of all the times, it seemed very fitting that it had happened right after a case. A particularly trying one at that.
They'd been in Wyoming. The hotel reservations for two rooms had gotten screwed up, and they'd ended up in one. Luckily it had had two large beds. But the proximity hadn't helped. Well, it hadn't helped them stay professional, she clarified for herself.
Ok, sure, they'd been professional on the case. And during working hours, and in the daylight. But when the night came . . . it was so hard not to sneak a look at the other; sitting in the hotel room, engrossed in thoughts about the case, going over notes, working on theories.
By some tactic non-verbal agreement, they'd stayed on opposite sides of the room at night. If he needed a file, she toss it across the bed at him. If she wanted him to look at her notes on her laptop, she'd get up before asking him to come over. They couldn't touch each other at night. Their time together had only made that tension more tactile.
The close quarters didn't help them ignore it either.
Finally, after an exhausting three day search for the missing men, they'd found a shallow grave and a suicide in the woods nearby. When Scully ran the DNA typing, she was able to confirm that the suicide was the kidnapper who'd ended up as a dead murderer.
That depressing result should have dampened their feelings. But their need for each other was only heightened because of it.
She'd started it. She fully admitted that to herself. For all intents and purposes, she'd seduced him.
It had started out innocently. He had just leaned over her shoulder to read the report she was working on. His back had rustled her hair and his arm accidentally brushed her cheek. At that slight contact, she shivered.
He'd noticed it. He had begun to back up until she placed a hand on his arm, just below the rolled up shirt sleeve. And then he shivered at the skin to skin contact. She'd turned to face him, and they caught each other's eyes. Within his shifting hazel, she saw something that led her to break the rules, and reach up and pull his head to hers. Then she very carefully and deliberately brushed her lips against his.
The electricity she had always expected would be there jolted her. And then she kissed him harder. Slowly she felt his arms around her, pulling her up and into his embrace. He began to kiss her back, and they soon were kissing each other, touching each other with a very evident need.
It hadn't been a verbal, conscious decision to walk back to the bed. But they'd ended up there anyway. Soon their clothes were gone and their hands and mouths were all over each other, culminating into the most incredible sex she'd ever experienced.
Just before he fell asleep in her arms, she had brushed his hair from his forehead, and whispered the three words she'd been aching to tell him for two years. In the dark of that motel room, she told him that she loved him.
Looking back, she realized that was probably where she should have seen this all coming. She had felt the shock, the surprise ripple through his body. Then his muscles had stiffened for just a second before he made a conscious effort to get his breathing back to normal.
Later in the morning, she noted that he'd pulled away from her, and lay with his back towards her. And she'd heard the silent tears of a man who'd had his life turned upside down, and didn't know which way was up.
He just couldn't believe her. She was sure of it. He doubted that she had meant it when she told him that she loved him. All the things that had made him the way he was had convinced him that he was unworthy of being loved. And she hated every last person who'd hurt him for making it so difficult for him to believe in her and her love for him.
In the morning, they'd said their usual words of greeting, and taken turns in the bathroom, showering and dressing. She'd tried to catch his eyes after she'd come out of the bathroom, dressed in her travel suit, but he'd sidestepped her glance. And that had been the way of it the entire trip back to D.C. He barely said two words to her at a time. Always professional, he nonetheless was cool towards her. After they got back, he'd given her the keys to the car and hailed a taxi. She hadn't seen him since.
Knowing him the way she did, she was certain he was confused. Hell, she was as well, to some degree. Yet she knew that she had loved him for longer than she had admitted to herself. And that she had loved the feel of his body intertwined with hers. Feeling him inside of her, making love to her, with her.
She had given him space to work things out on his own because she loved him. She knew he needed the time to sort things out, make a decision on what he wanted. To decide if he loved her.
That wasn't really true, she'd thought moodily. She was certain he loved her. But she wasn't sure if he was in love with her. If he wanted a relationship with her. They hadn't even had a chance to talk about it. But she knew one thing. A decision had to be made. Enough *was* enough.
Without a second thought, she headed for the door. Stopping short, she ran back to her stereo and pulled a CD from her rack, then turned back towards the door. She was in the hall, down the stairs, and out to her car and driving across town to Mulder's moments later.
She got there and knocked once. When she got no answer, she simply decided to give up trying the subtle approach. It hadn't been working. Using her key, she entered his apartment, and found it empty, but he'd obviously been there very recently.
So she stared at the CD, and decided to leave it for him. Attaching a quickly written message that she tore from her notepad, she stuffed an end of the scrap of paper into the plastic casing. She set it on the couch, where she knew he'd find it. Then she swiftly left, locking the door behind her.
Within her heart she hoped that soon he'd be calling her. That he'd be talking to her again. No matter the outcome. She'd resigned herself that if she had to, she'd just be his friend, forget that the night in Wyoming had ever happened. Whatever she had to do, she just needed him. In whatever way she could have him.
When Mulder did finally come home to his empty apartment, he breezed in with the energy of a man discouraged and bothered.
As it was, he'd almost missed the CD when he threw his coat on the couch. But when he sat down, he heard the light crunch of plastic, and got up quickly to retrieve the item from its resting place.
In his hands he held the note and a plastic CD case, with Celine Dion on the cover. The note read very simply, "Mulder, please play track 5. It says everything that I want to say to you, and I hope it can help you understand how much you mean to me. Love Always, Dana."
Curious, he went to his stereo and popped in the disk, cuing up the song. Then he wandered back to sit down and listen to the lyrics. As the tune began, he closed his eyes, and imagined her there in front of him, telling him in the words of the song what she wanted to say.
"Everything you are
Everything you'll be
Touches the current of love
So deep in me
Every sigh in the night
Every tear that you cry
And all that I am
And all that I'll be
Means nothing at all
If you can't be with me
Your most innocent kiss
Or your sweetest caress
I don't care about tomorrow
I've given up on yesterday
Here and now is all that matters
Right here with you is where I'll stay
Everything in this world
Every voice in the night
Every little thing of beauty
Comes shinning through in your eyes
And all that is you becomes part of me too
'Cause all you do seduces me
And if I should die tomorrow
I'd go down with a smile on my face
I'd thank God I've ever known you
I fall down on my knees
For all the love we've made
Every sigh in the night
Every tear that you cry
Seduces me, seduces me
And all that you do
When the song finished, Mulder could only sit and stare at the stereo. Was that what she truly felt? How she saw them, saw him? It took his breath away to think that.
But was it true? Could she really love him like he loved her? With the exclusion of everything. With her whole heart. To the point that being apart was like being separated from the other half of their soul.
He couldn't believe it. Because if he believed, that would mean that Scully truly loved him. Just like she'd said she did in that motel room. He'd heard her say it, and had for a moment felt his heart and soul fill with the feeling. Then his own mind, his own skewed opinion of himself sent his heart crashing back down into self-recrimination and disbelief.
How could she love him? When some days he didn't even like himself. So with those few doubting seconds he had begun to convince himself that she hadn't meant it. Had only said it because she thought she should. But if she had really meant them . . .
That was one extreme possibility that he couldn't believe. He almost laughed at that. He could believe in aliens he'd never seen, conspiracies he could never prove, powers that science discounted, but he couldn't believe in her loving him. That someone as wonderful as Dana Scully could be in love with him.
Could she really love me, he wondered again.
Then his mind answered that most important question with the knowledge gained over four years of being her partner, being her friend. *Scully never does or says anything she doesn't mean*.
Which means that she wants you the way you want her, he realized suddenly. She loves you like you love her. It wasn't just a moment of need, a mistake to be regretted later. She'd really been in love with him, wanted to be with him. The lyrics of that song made that very clear.
He took in a deep, cleansing breath. To think he'd doubted her. . . the one person in the world he trusted. He'd made her think he didn't love her. Hell, he hadn't even told her that yet. She probably was thinking that he wouldn't say it. Ever. Mulder had to see her. Hurriedly he picked up his coat, raced back out the door.
Scully was sitting in the big chair that her father used to claim when he would come over. It was calming, just being there, remembering the good days. She missed him, and Missy. And right now, she missed Mulder too.
He'd never been as far away as he was right now. Even when they'd been fighting and couldn't agree on anything they had at least spoken to each other. Yet, right now he was avoiding her like the plague.
God, she thought, have I lost him? Was this the one thing that could destroy our relationship? Being *that* close?
She let her head drop to her hands, feeling too much at the moment to keep it upright. So she missed him slipping his key into the lock and opening the door. When he saw her, he felt a gambit of emotions, and knew ultimately they all sprung from his love for her. Walking quietly to her side, he knelt next to the chair.
Her head came up quickly at the sound of his voice speaking her name. She gazed at him. She took in his disheveled appearance, his apprehensive look and thought the worst. She knew then what she was going to have to tell him, and she felt her heart die a little as she steeled herself to speak the words.
"Mulder. I'm sorry. This . . . shouldn't have happened. I'm sorry I destroyed our friendship. If you want me to, I can get a transfer," she said chokingly. She was certain he was there to tell her they'd made a mistake. That he wasn't in love with her.
His face fell for a moment, hearing her words. Then he watched a few stray tears run down her cheeks. It was then that he understood that saying those words had nearly killed her. This is probably what she thinks I want to hear, he thought reproachingly. She doesn't know I love her more than my own life.
"Dana, it was long past due. And we haven't destroyed anything, except shattered the illusion that we'd been creating for ourselves for the last four years," he explained softly, reaching over to caress her cheek, wiping away the tears. "I love you. I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather you be than by my side. At work or anywhere else."
She smiled at that, the tears he thought would halt started again, and she wasn't even trying to stop them now.
"I do love you Mulder. You understand that now, don't you?"
"Yes. I'm sorry I doubted that. I just . . . couldn't believe that you could feel that way about me. I had hoped, prayed that you might, but when you said it, I thought that you really didn't mean it."
"Fox William Mulder, have I told you recently that you are the stupidest, most hard headed man on the planet?" she asked, her voice tender yet filled with humor.
"No, not recently, but I think after this misunderstanding I deserve that title," he said back, his tone warm and husky. "So, I was wondering, can we try this again? I think I'd like to forget about what happened in Wyoming and start off fresh."
"Alright, on one condition," she replied, her tone now much more seductive as she slid from the chair to kneel next to him, putting her hands on his chest. He quickly wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her to him.
Leaning over, he nuzzled her hair from her ear and asked, "Which is?"
"That tonight *you* seduce me."
He stood up and took her by the hand to lead her back to her bedroom.
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