The Dion Files

To Love You More

By Jeannine Ackerson

 

7/13/98

Rating: PG-13 to mild R.

Spoiler: US5 "The End" - (alternate reality).

Disclaimer: The X-Files, M&S and the rest belong to C.C., FOX & 1013 Prod., etc., and I'm just borrowing them for a while. I promise that they'll be back before curfew Chris. <g> "To Love You More" was recorded by Celine Dion.

Relationship: MSR with angst tossed in for seasoning. This is alternate reality for this episode.

Summary: As Mulder gravitates towards Diana after being shot, Scully does her best to hold on to him and what they have.

Hi all. Ok, so this and unofficial Dion File. But don't start asking for more, understand?! This is intended to fit into the TV series only so far as I'm using "The End" as background. Going into this, you need to believe that M&S have had a relationship deeper than friendship. So now, to the story . . .

Diana Fowley was recovering from surgery at Georgetown Medical Center, and Mulder had been to her bedside for hours. If he had left and come back, it wouldn't have been so bad. But it seemed like he was holding a vigil for her. That he was more concerned for Diana than his own partner. And it had begun to wear thin on Scully.

Actually, it was past thin the moment she had met the other agent.

There was no question what Diana was - Mulder's former flame. And, rumor had it, his ex-wife as well. She had left him and the X-Files for an upwardly mobile path with a prominent terrorist unit overseas. And in the wake of her departure, Mulder had been unwilling to trust anyone again.

Until she had come into the picture, Scully reminded herself silently as she unlocked the door of her car and got in.

She and Mulder had become closer over the years, the mutual physical and mental attraction that they had fought finally boiling over when they'd dealt with Modell. Emotions and desires had been released during that case, and they found in the wake of it what they'd been looking for in each other's embrace. And in each other's lives.

They had kept it quiet, letting no one know the true depths of their feelings and nature of their relationship. Once the Bureau found out that they were sleeping together, and in love with one another on top of that, there would be hell to pay and possible reassignment and reprimands.

Now though, Scully had found the one thing that might separate them permanently. Mulder's former love.

Damn, she mentally swore and slammed the door shut.

She had tried to keep from becoming jealous of the other agent. She told herself that there was nothing between them. Yet as they had investigated and protected Gibson Praise, the young chess prodigy that now was gone, along with their answers, she had seen how Mulder and Diana had gravitated towards each other.

It worried her that Mulder and Diana had fallen into their old familiar patterns, leaving her feeling like a third wheel. Could Mulder still have feelings for this woman? She had wondered that since seeing them holding hands in the psychiatric hospital. Yet the real question was were those emotions strong enough to derail her own relationship with him?

She turned over the car engine, the radio popping on immediately. And the tune beginning was one she was familiar with. A sorrowful love ballad that was achingly beautiful if depressing.

Yet today it carried more weight than ever before. Because it was her in the song, and her desperation over the situation. It took all she had to let it play while she headed out onto the road, tears pooling in her eyes.

But she couldn't change the channel. It was as if she needed this. Needed to hear her supplication put to music.

//Take me, back into the arms I love

Need me, like you did before

Touch me once again

And remember when

There was no one that you wanted more//

That was true. She wanted him back. She didn't even know if she had lost him truthfully or not. Yet she needed things to be like they were before Diana had reappeared in Mulder's life. Before she questioned his love for her. She needed to know that he still wanted her most of all.

//Don't go, you know you'll break my heart

She won't, love you like I will

I'm the one who'll stay

When she walks away

And you know I'll be standing here still//

She had already left him once. And there was no reason to believe she was staying this time. Her reassignment wasn't permanent, according to the Bureau. Just a temporary loan of her skills to the case at hand. She had put in for a transfer, but Scully hadn't been able to find out what department she had requested.

Part of her wondered if the X-Files hadn't been closed down and the files burned if Diana wouldn't have tried to replace her as Mulder's partner.

For she certainly felt that Diana had been trying to replace her in Mulder's heart since he'd seen her in the conference room, flattering him with her words.

//I'll be waiting for you

Here inside my heart

I'm the one who wants to love you more

You will see I can give you

Everything you need

Let me be the one to love you more//

She had given him everything all these years. Her dedication, her love, her loyalty, her trust. What more did he need? Someone who always agreed with him? Thought the same way he did? She didn't think so.

God, Scully thought, the woman just agreed with him. There was no challenge, no discovery.

That was the difference between her and Diana. While Diana and Mulder had thought alike, she and Mulder thought differently. And that had made the X-Files a success. They had something that was so much more. It was trust and understanding and love. And nothing Mulder and Diana could have had could match it.

Or could it?

//See me, as if you never knew

Hold me, so you can't let go

Just believe in me

I will make you see

All the things that your heart needs to know//

Was he complacent? That he was so used to her being by his side without complaint? Without question? Had her cancer been forgotten so quickly?

She needed him to remember whom he said, who he swore he believed in above all others. Her. Not Diana.

She had been the one to suffer with him. Fought with him. Sacrificed for him and his cause, making it her own. She would have to make him see what they were to each other again.

//I'll be waiting for you

Here inside my heart

I'm the one who wants to love you more

You will see I can give you

Everything you need

Let me be the one to love you more//

She had everything to give him, if he would only take it. He had never grasped that. How much more she was willing to give for him, how much more she loved him than he could understand.

In her heart she knew that she loved him more than Diana ever could. And more than that, she knew that Mulder loved her.

But was it enough?

//And some way, all the love that

We had can be saved

Whatever it takes, we'll find a way//

She had to find that way. Had to make him realize what he meant to her, what their relationship meant to her. Remind him of the commitments they shared and how they'd vowed to never let anything between them. Not the Bureau, not the Syndicate and not Diana Fowley.

//Believe in me

I will make you see

All the things that your heart needs to know//

Don't you still believe in me Mulder, she asked herself silently?

//I'll be waiting for you

Here inside my heart

I'm the one who wants to love you more

Can't you see I can give you

Everything you need

Let me be the one to love you more//

The car made its way to its destination in silence, as she had turned off the radio once the song was done. Inside her head, her thoughts were singing - to the tune of the song and to her own desires.

It wasn't that long till she was at Georgetown. Once there, she swiftly made her way to Diana's room, knowing what she'd find there. Although he'd been with her while Diana had been in surgery, it was mostly because of the case. And then later because he was exhausted, then the news about the office had come in. . .

She sighed, wishing that things hadn't gone so out of whack. Praying that they weren't so far gone that she couldn't get her future back.

Finally Scully stood outside the hospital room door, watching her love sitting at this other woman's bedside, even though Diana wasn't even aware of his presence. Now, looking at the concern and tenderness he showed the unconscious woman, she felt the fear rise up in her throat like bile. Even though she had seen them together before, she hadn't felt the desperation in her soul as she did now.

He suddenly turned and looked towards the door, as if sensing her there, which wasn't all that improbable. Pausing a moment longer, he squeezed Diana's hand lightly, then moved up out of the chair he'd been sitting in at her bedside.

As he reached the doorway his face started to cloud over and Scully realized that she couldn't hide her emotions from him anymore. She was like an open book to him.

"What wrong?" he asked emotionally, closing his hand around her upper arm in a light hold.

She found that she couldn't speak. The words that she had wanted to impart to him were suddenly gone. There was only an ache that she knew she couldn't describe to him.

It was only then that Mulder saw the answer to his question in her eyes. The words and feelings that she couldn't describe. There was the fear of losing him plain as day there behind the blue of her soul.

And in seeing it there, he had to close his own eyes to block off the tears that threatened to fall as his head fell forward.

How could he have ignored her like that? Made her think. . . God, had he'd almost lost her, because he was too blinded by his past to see what that his present was his future?

And in a second he realized that it was true. His need to close the chapter of his life that was Diana Folwey had only served to draw him into his fond memories of the relationship and neglected not only what had driven them apart, but his love for Scully as well.

Now he had to fix his mistake before it was too late. He only could thank some deity that Scully loved him so much as to give him a chance to explain. But then, she always gave him a second chance, even when he didn't deserve it.

Like now.

Lifting his face, he stared into her eyes, and then cupped her cheek with his hand. A feeling so much like coming home that he forgot why he'd ever been enraptured with what's-her-name-from-his-past anyhow.

"Scully, *Dana*, there's no way that I'd leave you for Diana," he explained, and saw the desperate plea in her eyes for him to say the three words that she needed to hear. And he was more than willing to oblige her.

"I love *you*."

Scully was in his arms then, holding on tight, and Mulder returned her embrace just as fiercely. For everything he needed and wanted was there, in his grasp, and he had almost lost it due to his own ignorance.

*She* was the one who loved him more.

-End-

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