The Dion Files

It's All Coming Back To Me Now

By Jeannine Ackerson

 

Mar. 1, 1997

Rating: PG for the use of swear words.

Disclaimer: The X-Files and the characters portrayed therein are property of C. Carter, Fox Broadcasting, 1013 Prod., etc. Celine Dion's song, "It's All Coming Back To Me Now" is also used without permission. No copyright infringement is intended.

Relationship: UST, Angst and MSR. Anti-relationshippers warning is hear by in effect. (So if you don't like this kind of stuff, leave now!)

Summary: Eight months after the closure of the X-Files and the failure of their relationship, Mulder and Scully meet by accident and find that things aren't as finished as they thought.

Hi all! Alright, this isn't one of the Alphabet files. I had this idea (Yeah, I know, another one!) and I roped Jadar in on it to write a story for every song on Celine Dion's "Falling Into You" CD. So we're splitting them up. This is my first submission (not counting what we've already done). Hope you all enjoy. Now, to the story . . .


For two people so in love, they had never figured out how to be best friends, partners *and* lovers all at the same time, Scully thought with sadness. She stared at the picture hanging on her D.C. apartment wall, thinking about it. She thought they had tried. She knew she had, and had thought he was trying to, until that day.

Things had been going well. Or as well as she could have expected. Sure, they couldn't be above board about their relationship. But the rumors hadn't increased after they finally admitted the truth to each other. When they'd taken that final step towards being what she'd always wondered if they could be.

She should have known that she couldn't make it work for both of them. That the single mindedness that she'd admired in him, the need to protect her from everything would be their downfall. When she'd found the case folder stuffed under the mattress in his apartment when she'd been looking for her shoe, the whole thing fell apart. She'd been hurt and angry, and they'd said some things that had cut them to the quick. And she'd walked out, and hadn't looked back.

Eight months later, she couldn't quite figure out how it had happened.

But after all the months apart, she could still see it, hear it as if it had happened yesterday.

// The door slammed open as Agent Dana Scully entered the basement office. She shared it with Agent Fox Mulder, her partner and as of the last two months, her lover. But that wasn't the problem. No, the problem was the case she held in her left hand that she threw at him from halfway across the room. It skittered across his desk, papers flying and falling into his lap. He looked up at her with shock and curiosity on his face.

"What the hell do you mean by this?" she asked angrily, still advancing on him and pointing at the offending folder.

"I don't know what . . ." he started, then reached down to look at the case she was referring to. When he saw it, he started to speak.

"Dana . . ."

"Don't you 'Dana' me," she yelled, cutting him off. She was madder than she'd ever been in her life at this man, and she wasn't going to let him sweet talk her into calming down. "You re-opened this file without telling me, went behind my back with the lab tests, and the three days I thought you were speaking at that symposium, you were running down leads without me!"

"I didn't want to get you involved. After everything they did to you, I . . ." he tried to explain.

"When we started this partnership, I expected to occasionally be excluded from your counsel. And when we became friends, I tried to understand why you felt that you had to leave me behind, and go off by yourself," Scully said, her tone filled with hurt and anger. "But you made me a promise when we became more than that. You promised that you wouldn't keep secrets and that you wouldn't leave me behind again. And you broke that promise!"

"Scully, I didn't think you'd . . ."

"What? Find out? Get mad? You didn't think period Mulder. Just like always. And I'm tired of it. You've never really trusted me, have you?" she continued, turning away from him and heading for her own desk.

"You know that's not true! You're the only one I trust," Mulder snapped at her. "If anything, you've never trusted me. You never believed in me. You always had to be the skeptic. Even in our relationship. You never once could believe in anything you couldn't prove scientifically. You couldn't have faith, even in me, to do what was right."

"Right? Was it right to lie to me? You couldn't even trust me enough to tell me the truth. Maybe you haven't been telling me the truth since day one. Has it all been an act Mulder? Make the spy trust you so she decides that the work has validity. Seduce your partner so she doesn't close you down. Is that what this has been all about? Anything for the X-Files?" she threw back, making him wince at the venom in her tone. "Have the last two months been the biggest lie of all?!"

"How could you even think that?! After everything we've been through to be together? Everything we've sacrificed for one another . . ."

His mouth snapped shut quickly as soon as he said it. He'd made a big mistake, and she knew he knew it. She turned slowly towards him, the anger now rage. And in Dana Scully, it was a frightening sight.

"Sacrificed?! Sacrificed! How dare you tell me you've sacrificed anything for us! This whole thing," she said darkly, waving her hand around the room, "has been because of *you*. To search for *your* sister. To search for *your* truth, *your* obsessions. And what did I give? What did I sacrifice for your crusade? My career, the respect of my colleagues, three months of my life, my future and MY SISTER!"

"I lost my sister *and* my father! For three months my best friend, the woman I loved was gone! So don't lecture me about sacrifices. No one asked you to stick around, and I sure as hell didn't need you shooting down my theories every chance you got!" he shot back, getting up to grab her by her arms and spin her to face him.

"You never asked me to? God you are so arrogant. Everything has to be about you! You never trusted me, you don't need me as your partner, and I don't think you ever planned to share more than your bed with me. I think we should just cut our losses and walk away."

"Fine, if that's what you want. I've never been able to change your mind once you set it on something anyway!"

With that she pulled her arms from his grip, picked up her things and walked out the door. And he hadn't seen her since. //

Mulder had never understood how she could have said all of it. How they both could have said the things they had. After everything they'd been through, he just didn't know how they had arrived at that point.

He was sure she knew how much he loved her, respected her. And he was certain she had loved him as deeply. But he had wanted to protect her. And that one desire had always gotten him into trouble. And it had ultimately destroyed them.

Or more correctly, *They* had destroyed them.

It wasn't until they closed the X-Files two months later, his erratic behavior and inability to work with another partner cited as the "official" reason for the closure, that he understood. *They* had done it on purpose. Like Dana had said all those years ago, they were using his passion against him.

They knew he wouldn't tell her about the new information. That he'd lie to her and try to follow the leads on his own. That he'd try to protect her from the danger and the truth, until he had something more concrete to give her than vague rumors and incomplete facts.

And in doing so, he'd broken their trust. Their commitment. Their promises that he swore he'd never break. No matter how honorable his intentions, he'd done exactly what he'd said he wouldn't. And he'd hurt her with his decisions.

Now, eight months later, sitting alone in his D.C. apartment, he cursed his eidetic memory that allowed him to replay the event with such perfect clarity. And he wondered how his life could have gone from wonderful to empty in less than a year.

They hadn't spoken since that blow up in the office. She'd sent Skinner her transfer papers. Mulder had signed them and sent them back. She'd come in when he wasn't there and cleaned out her desk.

It was just as well, since two months later he'd had to clean out his own.

They ended up re-assigning him to the VCS. They sent her back to Quantico. When he'd figured out how *They'd* set him up, plotted to get him to break his promise to her, splitting them up and ultimately having an excuse to close down the X-Files, he'd tried to contact her. But to no avail. Even her mother had blocked his way, grudgingly following Scully's orders not to let him know where she was, or how to contact her.

Somehow, in a city the size of a small metropolis, they had missed running into each other. Until they accidentally ended up in the same place. After eight months, fate had brought them back together.

Scully had ended up in Darcy's Pub near the J Edgar Hoover building. Sitting at the bar, she had decided to order a tequila sunrise and not think about the past. Maybe if she was lucky she could just have her drink in peace without being hit on by half the male population of the bar.

It was a small place, but it had a dance floor and a juke box near the end of the bar, and a bunch of booths along the other wall. It was just the kind of place Dana Scully didn't go, which is why when Fox Mulder walked in the door and he caught sight of the red haired woman at the far end of the bar, he nearly lost his breath.

What's she doing here, he thought. Then it hit him. This was his chance, if he wanted her back, he wasn't going to get a better opportunity.

Wandering past the length of the bar, he caught her reflection in the mirror. The same beautiful features, but they seemed deepened by time. And sorrow he thought. He took a small table in the corner, and got a beer from the waitress. It was going to be difficult figuring out how to catch her off-guard. Because she wouldn't listen if she knew he was there, if she was on the offensive.

Suddenly he caught the sound of the juke box, playing a upbeat rock tune. Of all the things that he knew would disarm her, her memory was what he was counting on the most. Perhaps the music could help.

Getting up, he wandered over to the jukebox, pulling out a quarter from his jeans pocket. Flipping it in his fingers, he perused the list of titles until his eyes fell on 'the one'. He'd heard it the day after the fight. And it had stayed with him, evoking his memories of her each time he heard it. Every time he thought he was over her, which was never, he'd play it, and wish that things had been different.

Now he hoped that she would hear that wistful message in the lyrics as well.

Dropping the quarter in the machine, he punched in the buttons and the song started. And as the music and lyrics filled the room, he looked over at the woman sitting on the barstool, and prayed that the song's meaning would reach her heart before he arrived at her side.

"There were nights when the wind was so cold

That my body froze in bed

If I just listened to it

Right outside the window

There were days when the sun was so cruel

That all the tears turned to dust

And I just knew my eyes were drying up forever

I finished crying in the instant that you left

And I can't remember where or when or how

And I banished every memory

You an I had ever made"

He had noticed her shoulders slump as the words had begun. It was as if she heard the same thing in the song that he did. Felt the same things. The regret. The loss. The pain.

"May I have this dance?"

She stiffened slightly in shock. The memory of that voice shook her hard. But she couldn't resist. She never had been able to. She turned in her seat to look up into those gorgeous hazel eyes, and couldn't help but smile. "I think that I'd like that."

Taking her hand, he led her over to the dance floor, taking her in his arms, their bodies falling together as if the last eight months had never happened. And around them the song continued to play.

"But when you touch me like this

And you hold me like that

I just have to admit

That it's all coming back to me

When I touch you like this

And I hold you like that

It's so hard to believe

But it's all coming back to me

It's all coming back,

It's all coming back to me now

There were moments of gold

And there were flashes of light

There were things I'd never do again

But they'd always seemed right

There were nights of endless pleasure

It was more than any laws allow

Baby, baby"

He looked into her eyes, that now were soft and sorrowful. A direct image of his own. They both knew that they'd been wrong. That he did trust her, and that she did love him. And so they continued to dance, reveling in being in each other's arms again.

"If I kiss you like this

And if you whisper like that

It was lost long ago

But it's all coming back to me

If you want me like this

And if you need me like that

It was dead long ago

But it's all coming back to me

It's so hard to resist

And it's all coming back to me

I can barely recall

But it's all coming back to me now

But it's all coming back

There were those empty threats and hollow lies

And whenever you tried to hurt me

I just hurt you even worse and so much deeper

There were hours that just went on for days

When alone at last we'd count up all the chances

That were lost to us forever

But you were history with the slamming of the door

And I made myself so strong again somehow

And I never wasted any of my time on you since then"

She could feel the tears starting in her eyes, and couldn't keep them back. As the first one slid down her cheek, he let loose of her waist for a moment to wipe it tenderly away. And in his heart, he knew she was sorry for every word she'd said. He could see it in her soul. And he was too. Replacing his hand around her waist, he pulled her tighter, still dancing slowly with her.

"But if I touch you like this

And you kiss me like that

It was so long ago

But it's all coming back to me

If you touch me like this

And if I kiss you like that

It was gone with the wind

But it's all coming back to me

It's all coming back,

It's all coming back to me now

There were moments of gold

And there were flashes of light

There were things we'd never do again

But they'd always seemed right

There were nights of endless pleasure

It was more than any laws allow

Baby, baby, baby

When you touch me like this

And when you hold me like that

It was gone with the wind

But it's all coming back to me

When you see me like this

And when I see you like that

Then we see what we want to see

All coming back to me

The flesh and the fantasies

All coming back to me

I can barely recall

But it's all coming back to me now"

"I'm sorry Mulder. I love you," she said softly, looking up into his face with all the emotion within her.

"So am I. I love you too Dana," he replied, his voice as hushed as hers. They kept dancing as the music continued to play.

"If you forgive me all this

If I forgive you all that

We forgive and forget

And it's all coming back to me

When you see me like this

And when I see you like that

We see just what we want to see

All coming back to me

The flesh and the fantasies

All coming back to me

I can barely recall

But it's all coming back to me now

And when you kiss me like this

And when I touch you like that

if you do it like this

And if we . . ."

As the song drifted off, they just stopped dead in the middle of the dance floor. Everything around them disappeared. They were the only two people there, and they loved each other.

Slowly they inched closer to one another, and pressed their lips together. It was like coming home. Soon the embrace was tighter, and they were kissing like long lost lovers, which was what they were.

Fate had brought them together again, and this time they were going to hold onto each other tight.

"Can I take you home Agent Scully?" he asked after breaking off the kiss. His voice was husky and low, full of love and eight months of longing.

"You can take me anywhere Agent Mulder. Just as long as we go together," she replied, her voice sweet and breathy.

Taking her hand tightly in his, he pulled her towards the door.

"Always . . ." he sighed, and they left the bar, ready to start over again. Because it *had* all come back to them.

-End-

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