By Jeannine Ackerson
Rating: PG-13 for language.
Disclaimer: The X-Files & the characters portrayed therein are property of C.C., FOX, 1013 Prod., etc.
Spoiler Warning: For "Shadows" and "Jersey Devil" from first season.
Relationship: Lots of UST and MSR. <g>
Acknowledgments: Gil for the laptop loan and Deb for the kind words.
Summary: Mulder's look at Scully sends her thoughts reeling.
Hi all. I finally saw the car scene in "Shadows" this weekend at the SOCAL con, and was just about overcome with the levels of UST dripping from Mulder's look at Scully. The group somehow got it into their collective heads that a fanfic was lurking there, and who better to churn it out than the "Writing Machine." <sigh> So here it is, inspired by one view of five minutes of film. Enjoy!
I hate it when he does that.
He goes from giving me a line about poltergeists and kinetic energy being focused by a secretary of a dead man, and ends up setting my blood on fire.
God knows I did my best not to react to him. It was all my frayed control could handle to just turn away from him and finish loading the trunk of the new rental car.
Because that damn "Come Hither" look he just shot me nearly melted my heart.
That's not really true. It did, but I can't let him know that. What would he think? That I'd fallen for my partner in a very unprofessional way?
Sure as hell he would. And he'd be right.
The truth of the matter is that I don't think he realizes what he just did. The fact that he had his tie hanging loose around his neck, the top few buttons of his dress shirt loose was a good enough start to send my blood pressure soaring. But then he casually walked back to the car, moving like a male model down the catwalk. He reached down, picked up his jacket off the hood of the car and then tossed it over his shoulder like it was the most natural thing in the world for him to do.
Of course, if he'd stopped at that, it wouldn't have been so bad. I would have only been guilty of watching his ass in those gray suit pants as he moved. That was bad enough. The sight of that perfect derriere under the dress pants nearly gave me a heart attack today. Just like always.
But no, he couldn't stop at just that. Then, oh God, *then* he turned around and looked at me. Not one of his "When are you ever going to believe one of my theories" looks. No, this one was as far from that as he could get.
Those blazing, seductive hazel eyes locked with mine and I was gone. They were smoldering. If I'd put a piece of paper up in front of them I swear that it would have caught fire.
Hell, my body nearly did.
They called me. There's no other definition for it. It was a purely sinful and lusting look and I was so very tempted to let myself be drawn to it. But that's something I can't do. Not now.
I think that the rumors I heard were the wrong ones. The "Spooky" nickname isn't the one I needed to know about. I needed to know about the sex symbol in the wire rimmed glasses and tacky ties. Someone should have warned me that Fox Mulder was named *Fox* for his attractiveness before I started in the X-Files. If someone had told me that before I walked through that basement door months ago, it would have made the whole process of falling for him much easier to deal with.
Forewarned *is* forearmed.
And God knows that if I had known what a *fox* Agent Fox Mulder was before that fateful day I arrived at his office, I might have been better prepared for the roller coaster of emotion that I've been on for the last few months. And God knows that its' been that. Physically, spiritually, and most certainly emotionally. I have to admit that since day one with the X-Files, I've been challenged and impressed all at once, all the time.
And it isn't all the work.
To say that he is the highlight of my day is an understatement. Any and all other men I've met since I met him have paled in comparison. How in hell am I supposed to settle for a "Taxation and Estate Planning" manager with a regular 9-5 job and regular dreams and ideas?
I tried it once. Actually went on that date with a nice looking man with a real life. And I was bored to death. It's absolutely no contest. When I put him, any of them up against Mulder, they all end up being second best. The challenges he brings to my mind, to my life, my self are all too wonderful to give up for a seemingly unfullfilling relationship.
After seeing what is at the top of the mountain, how am I supposed to settle for what lies in the valley?
The question that this all hinges on is if Mulder *meant* to do that? Is he even aware that a certain glance from him makes my mind shut down? That when he smiles at me, all I can think of is how sweet those full lips would taste.
Of course, it's totally unacceptable for me to have feelings like this for my partner. It is against the unspoken regulations for partnered field agents to have or explore feelings between them of a passionate nature. Of a *sexual* nature.
But then, they didn't know that I'd be standing here, watching this bewitching man look at me with the force of a whirlwind of desire in his eyes. That I would find myself totally captivated by this man's drive and passion: mind, body and soul.
If they had, they wouldn't have sent me to him.
And I wouldn't know what it was like to be totally and hopelessly in love with someone that I can't have.
But is that true? Is it fated that I can't have him? Isn't there a chance that what I just saw was not a one-time occurrence, that it was part of a greater conspiracy of seduction?
Thinking back over the months since I joined the X-Files, I have to say that propriety was tempered with innuendo and looks and touches that went just up to the line of professional and hovered on the edge of erotic.
With Mulder, it would be easy to think that he's such a rogue that he flirts with all the ladies. He does. I'm certain of it. The recent gossip in the hallways of his behavior lets me know that he is a creature of unconscious sensuality. Yes, I admit that sometimes he is *very* conscious of it, but . . . well, not all the time.
Most of his charming nature is for show. Bravado. He doesn't date to my knowledge. None of the rumors have ever mentioned it. I think he's too married to his work. And as his new partner, to me.
But still I have to wonder what, or more precisely how much his innuendoes, his attentions to me mean.
I can't see Mulder dropping these things, doing these things if he didn't mean to do them. He's not the kind of man to do or say something that he doesn't mean. His devotion to the truth, to finding answers to the questions some people only thought of asking had cemented that for me.
So it all comes down to whether or not I want to say something to him. To make a little comment as to that look. To acknowledge the fire that his gaze had sparked in my body and soul. It would be so easy to just open my mouth and let the words pour forth. Spill my emotions at his feet and see what would happen. Take a chance that I'm right, that the look was meant especially for me. That he shot me that stare because he wanted to. Except that we're still on a case.
I can't jeopardize the work. I won't. Maybe after we figure out exactly what's going I could mention it to him. Tell him exactly how that look had affected me.
So in a split second of agonizing and considering the greater good, I made a decision.
It could wait until we finished the case.
Part of me screamed that I was taking the coward's way out. When the time came, I could still back out. But there was a larger part of me that realized that there would be a better time for me to make this revelation to him. Even if it ended up being a month from now, or even a year, I think that the results will be the same.
Somehow I know that he'll smile at me and tell me that I didn't miss the meaning behind every touch and smile and look. That they meant exactly what I thought that they did. That he wanted me, that he desired me, and that he loved me. That the "Come Hither" look he just shot me was his understated way of revealing his feelings for me.
I think that *that* thought, that *belief* will get me through the days to come. Or at least until the day comes when I can go to him when he looks at me like that.
And with that knowledge, I know I can go on.
We won't be apart forever. Some things are inevitable, and I just *know* that Mulder and I are one of those things.
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